These Crimson Bonds (The Crimson Creed Book 1) by Annie Gray

Author:Annie Gray [Gray, Annie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2024-02-13T00:00:00+00:00

I wake up the next morning in my bed with a throbbing headache and cottonmouth. I don’t remember anything after I drank the cocktail Rowan gave me.

What happened last night?

I realize it isn’t even the morning yet. I look out the window and see it’s still pitch black except for the moon that is still out. Was I forced to sleep with one of the men? Did I disassociate? Is that why I don’t remember? What the hell happened? I immediately look down at my clothes and see I’m still in the outfit from earlier and it doesn’t look disturbed.

I haven’t dissociated from my body in years. With a lot of therapy and time I was able to recover those memories. Memories I would rather have kept hidden. But like I told Ash, those scars are ones that tell you that you are a survivor and show your strength.

However, all of that resilience did not prepare me for the total freak out moment I’m having in the room right now. The room is starting to spin, my heart is racing, and my palms are sweaty. Staying still is impossible. I can’t breathe. I realize I’m starting to have an anxiety attack. I haven’t had one since I was nineteen, after starting therapy myself. So, I try to pace my breaths. I use my hand to do five-finger breathing. After a few minutes, I’m able to regulate myself.

I won’t be able to get answers until later that morning. Unfortunately, I can’t go back to sleep. So, I stare at the ceiling and imagine every horrible thing that could have happened.

To say that I have the worst night possible is an understatement. I start to hear the skillet and metal spoon again, signaling our time to wake up.

I grab my toothbrush and go to the bathroom. Would walking the halls before the wake-up call get me in trouble? I’m already in bad shape. I don’t want to experience anything more. But I need to brush my teeth and get some what cleaned up. I feel disgusting. And in a place like this you need to seize those small moments of relief.

As I’m coming out of the bathroom, I see Cherry, giggling to herself as she sees me. “Looks like you had a great night.” She winks at me and continues on her way to the kitchen.

Great night? I continue out and don’t realize that Sunny is standing behind Cherry. I almost walk into her. “Sorry! I was . . .” I stammer on the verge of tears. “I was stuck in my head.”

Sunny looks up at me empathetically. “Nothing happened yesterday.”

“What?” I blurt out as the tears start to spill over.

“Nothing happened,” Sunny repeats. “You had too much to drink and fell asleep. That’s why they don’t let us drink. I’m not sure what happened to you though. I only saw you drink one glass, which is specifically made with very little, to no alcohol, for us.” She reminds me.

I try to replay the night, but everything's coming up scattered.

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